I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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