How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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