Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
