I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nicole vs. Life
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
