The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
