Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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