What a fucking waste of an outfit
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
