Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
