FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize