Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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