Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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