I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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