it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize