Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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