I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So much rum. So many feels.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
