And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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