You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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