dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
