is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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