hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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