he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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