mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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