you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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