Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
