College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
