dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
