I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
