i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
