My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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