Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
