this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
