You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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