And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
