All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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