If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
