Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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