you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
