Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize