I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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