My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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