I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
