Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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