She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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