well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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