After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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