i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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