he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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