Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
