before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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