I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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