I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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