I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
