ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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