Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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