We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
