Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
