naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
two words...techno handjob
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
