my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
farters have to be the big spoon...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
