he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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