Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
