I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
