Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
