do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
