After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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