guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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