Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
