I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
