a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
