I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
