didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
