Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
