I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
